I would strongly urge that you never let guacamole find its delicious green way into your eyeball. Especially if it’s spicy and you have a minor allergic reaction to avocados that generally results in a tingling sensation accompanied by a slight swelling.
Why am I presenting you with this information? Because while I was eating salad last night the unthinkable happened, something impossible actually. Somehow as I was digging into it with my fork, a piece of lettuce launched a glob of the avocado paste in such a perfect angle that it bypassed my glasses and when directly into my cornea.
At first I just closed my eye and reflected upon what had just happened. What the heck was that? I looked down at my half empty plate and deduced that the only thing it could have been was the guacamole. So then my next thought was, if that was guacamole, then it should be burning right now.
I finally opened my eye and was suddenly assaulted by what could only be described as rivers of lava flooding into my eye hole. I could only imagine that my eye began to glow a fiery red as I rapidly blinked trying to get rid of the searing pain that was decimating my ocular sphere. The Eye of Sauron was deeply planted into my skull, shining a red beam of light as it scanned back and forth looking for nasty little hobbitses.
I blurted out what had happened to Katie as I leaped up from the table and like a mythical cyclops guided myself with my good eye to the kitchen sink. The cool water stung almost as much as the foreign paste as I let it rinse thoroughly.
For hours afterward my eye still stung and even this morning it is still a bit swollen. May this cautionary tale serve you well the next time you attempt the dangerous task of eating guacamole or any other Mexican food.
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